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Real Men, Real Role: Players, Loonies, Psychopaths, and Munchkins: RIFTS Edition

I've seen quite a few editions of this for other gaming systems, but never for Rifts.: ( So I made up my own...

Favourite OCC or RCC:

Real Men: play Borgs, Power Armor Pilots, and Juicers
Real Role-players: play Rogue Scientists, City Rats and Cyber-Knights
Loonies: play Crazies and Shapers
Munchkins: play whatever has the most MDC (usually an Apok/Juicer/Cosmo-Knight/Glitter Boy combination)

Favourite non-weapon skill:

Real Men: take boxing, for the extra attack
Real Role-players: take science or language skills
Loonies: take engineering and chemistry for their practical joke value
Munchkins: don't understand why skills not associated with weapons are important

Favourite weapon:

Real Men: use rail guns and missile launchers
Real Role-players: use longbows and neural maces
Loonies: use Nerf weapons
Munchkins: use a mini-gun made out of six Boom Guns custom fit with ACME (tm) recoil suppressors

Favourite body armour:

Real Men: prefer power armor or exoskeletons
Real Role-players: wear Triax "plain clothes" armor
Loonies: wrap themselves in toilet paper
Munchkins: wear the Invulnerable Coat of Arnd plus a never-needs recharging Naruni forcefield with 250,000 MDC

Favourite power armour:

Real Men: wear anything that gives them enough PS to carry around real weapons or has its own B.F.G.
Real Role-players: hide behind the Real Men: )
Loonies: use anything with reactive armor
Munchkins: don't use anything with under 1,000 MDC

Favourite robotic vehicle:

Real Men: prefer Coalition bots (for the look), or the Triax Devastator (for the firepower)
Real Role-players: prefer Behemoth explorers (with lots of space for keepsakes and research)
Loonies: still prefer anything with reactive armor
Munchkins: use the Death Star

Favourite cyberware:

Real Men: like bionic limbs and/or bionic reconstruction
Real Role-players: choose fingerjacks or translators
Loonies: like plastic vampire teeth and fake blood
Munchkins: take what ever will give them the most MDC bonuses

When cornered in a firefight:

Real Men: smile and keep on shooting
Real Role-players: negotiate with their attackers
Loonies: feign death
Munchkins: rift in 50 adult dragons and hundred-handed

Find employment as:

Real Men: bodyguards and mercenaries
Real Role-players: spies and scholars
Loonies: head of Coalition-Atlantis relations office
Munchkins: depose Splynn and take over the Megaverse

Favourite place:

Real Men: Germany, for the constant battles
Real Role-players: Wormwood, for the new culture
Loonies: the bathtub, for undersea adventures
Munchkins: like to go where they can get the most credits

Favourite Spell:

Real Men: don't play spellcasters, but like Superhuman Strength
Real Role-players: like anything associated with communication
Loonies: use Blinding Flash so as to conserve their camera batteries
Munchkins: wish there were as many spells as Dungeons and Dragons

Favourite psionic power:

Real Men: love Sixth Sense and Mind Block
Real Role-players: prefer Object Read and Empathy
Loonies: like Hydrokinesis so they can sense open water within a 20' radius
Munchkins: have them all at first level

When faced down by an adult dragon with forcefields thick enough to bounce ping pong balls off of:

Real Men: Open up with full melee sprays until their weapon systems of their huge bot vehicles over heat
Real Role-players: Summon an anti-magic cloud and go Heeh-heeh! Sorry about your life!
Loonies: Strike a bargain with the enemy
Munchkins: Bring in the SDF 3 out of orbit, do a body-block ram that does 10D20 x 100,000 MDC.

When trying to extend their rations:

Real Men: steal from the real Role Players
Real Role-players: Use Resist hunger Psionic power
Loonies: Steal from the Real Men
Munchkins: "Extend my Rations? You mean they're suppost to go down, as in lose food?"

When going Christmas shopping:

Real Men: Buy ammo reloads for all of their friends cool weapons
Real Role-players: Buys their friends book and if they don't know how to read teaches them
Loonies: Buys swimming lessons for the Vampires down the street
Psychopaths: Since it's the holidays decides to kill their friends quickly instead of slowly torturing them to death
Munchkins: To busy blowing things up to have friends

 Battle Cries:

Real Men: "For honor and glory!"
Real Role-players: "Once more unto the breech, dear friends!" or "Come, villian! Will you walk?"
Loonies: "SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
Psychopaths: "Women and children first!"
Munchkins: Too busy concentrating on the complexities of aBFG to worry about a battle cry.

Defining diplomacy:

Real Men: "The art of saying 'Nice Doggy' until you can finda big stick."
Real Role-players: Spend two hours on it, citing the 50 treaties they forged with various nations last week as proof.
Loonies: "The art of saying 'Nice Doggy' until you can find a box of milkbones."
Psychopaths: "The art of saying 'Nice Doggy' believably while you're skinning it alive."
Munchkins: Wilk's 457 Laser Pulse Rifle

When walking into a bar:

Real Men: Sidle up to the bar and order something strong.
Real Role-players: Either ply the bartender for info or complain that all adventures start in bars.
Loonies: Act drunk until someone points out that they haven't ordered anything yet.
Psychopaths: Go to the fat man in the white suit who sits in the corner booth and either sells out the party or sells his own services as an... extractor of information.
Munchkins: Order a lot of drinks that don't exist because they're not old enough to go into real bars.
 

Necessary motivation to get them to jump through a Rift:

Real Men: A horde of rampaging Juicers.
Real Role-players: Mentioning the possibilities offered by a new culture.
Loonies: Mentioning the possibility of being Rifted into Toon.
Psychopaths: Mentioning the possibilities offered by a new population to plunder.
Munchkins: Mentioning the possibility of getting that spell "Enslave Intelligence."

When looking out over a battlefield:

Real Men: Get a determined look on their face and a tighter grip on their Wilk's Rifle.
Real Role-players: Get a mournful look on their face before launching into a ten minute speech onthe horrors of war.
Loonies: Get confused because they don't understand why this scene was put into the game.
Psychopaths: Ask if there are any nearby bodies they can loot and, if not, there is anyone nearby they can make dead so they can loot the body.
Munchkins: Say "Finally! Now the real roleplaying begins!"

When looking out over a desolate wilderness area:

Real Men: Get a determined look on their face and a tighter grip on their Wilk's Rifle.
Real Role-players: Say "Finally! Now the real roleplaying begins!"
Loonies: Get the sudden urge to collect sap and use it for almost-benign purposes.
Psychopaths: Get the sudden urge to collect sap and use it for nowhere-near-benign purposes.
Munchkins: Say "How much XP do I get per use of a skill?"
 

When looking out over a city:

Real Men: Ask the locals about bars and inns, because there are plenty of fights to go around, but good food and a warm bed are hard to find.
Real Role-players: Do the same thing as Real Men, because that's where the most plot-revealing information can be found (unlike the library or mechanic shop, as they'd prefer).
Loonies: Do the same thing as Real Men, because if they don't hang with the others, they'll probably get killed.
Psychopaths: Do the same thing as Real Men, because there are more drunk and sleeping mar... I mean, people in those places.
Munchkins: Do the same thing as Real Men, because they need a place to "modify" their weapons and equipment and start fights.

After finding the Long Lost Triange of Zinthar:

Real Men: Ask if they can become Mecha-Real Men.
Real Role-players: Hide it from the forces of evil, turning it into the main plot element of a completely new campaign.
Loonies: Hide it in their shoes.
Psychopaths: Sell it to Barbara Striesand.
Munchkins: Don't get the reference, because their not old enough to watch South Park.
 

Greatest fear:

Real Men: Dying without honor.
Real Role-players: Dying without purpose.
Loonies: Dying without a punchline.
Psychopaths: Seeing a Cyber-Knight.
Munchkins: Level drain.
 

An average character's theme music:

Real Men: Search and Destroy by Metallica
Real Role-players: Almost anything by Sarah McLachlan
Loonies: Dare to be Stupid, Weird Al
Psychopaths: Anything classical (They never see you coming...)
Munchkins: The Beavis and Butthead Soundtrack

When meeting a stranger on the road:

Real Men: Wave hello while keeping their hands on their guns (it might be a trap).
Real Role-players: Wave hello while keeping their hands away from their guns (he might think that's hostile).
Loonies: Stop using Concealment to hide rocks long enough to wave hello.
Psychopaths: Don't just wave hello, but invite them to sit down and have lunch with them before palming a vibro-blade out of their coat sleeve.
Munchkins: Start a fight.

When faced by bandits:

Real Men: Start a fight.
Real Role-players: Hand over their gear, as their Gnome Wilderness Scout can't stand up in a fight.
Loonies: Don't do much because no one lets them have any valuable gear.
Psychopaths: Pull a vibro-blade, turn to the party, and say "You heard the man, give us your gear."
Munchkins: Don't sweat it because they can always call their Pain Elemental-powered Soul Drinking Rune Long Gun back thanks to the mental nond that took two seconds to form.

When faced by a pissed-off Mega-Juicer:

Real Men: Break out the Heavy Plasma Cannon.
Real Role-players: Pretend to panic, kneel before the Mega-Juicer, beg his forgiveness, and then punch random buttons on his the external control for his Bio-Comp.
Loonies: Cast Negate Poisons/Toxins, just to see if it would work...
Psychopaths: Blame it on the Real Roleplayer.
Munchkins: Yells at the GM when he says that the newly designed TW Annihilate Cannon that he made "back at that town a ways back" doesn't work.

When faced by a pissed-off GM:

Real Men: Break out Ghoull's Guide to Taking Everyone Else Down With You.
Real Role-players: Don't need Ghoull's Guide because they either don't piss off the GM or already have it memorized.
Loonies: Kiss their whoopie-cushin goodbye.
Psychopaths: Kill the party (after all, they were going to do it anyway...)
Munchkins: Don't pay attention to little things like the attitudes of the other players.

When selecting background music for a Rifts game...

Real Men: Pick AC/DC or the Heavy Metal sound track
Real Role-players: Pick the Bubblegum Crisis original score
Loonies: Pick anything from Frank Zappa
Psychopaths: Pick the Clockwork Orange soundtrack
Munchkins: Go through the GM's books picking out bigger guns while everyone else picks the background music

When selecting background music for a Rifts game...

Real Men: Put on Damage Inc. by Metallica
Real Role-players: Put on ride of the valkries or maybe William Tell overature
Loonies: Put on sound of music (directors cut)
Psychopaths: Put on sound track from anything with many screams
Munchkins: Background music? Do I get a pet Splugorth if I listen?

Favourite Song to Play while Gaming:

Real Men: Rammstien (City of Angels Soundtrack)
Real Role-players: Anything by the Crash Test Dumbies
Loonies: Bohemian Polka (Wierd Al)
Psychopaths: Final Fantasy Seven sound track
Munchkins: Stomp Box (They Might Be Giants)

Favorite Sport:

Real Men: Dead Ball, hurrah
Real Role-players: Anyone for a game of cricket?
Loonies: Calvin ball!
Psychopaths: The pain game (a variation of the name game where you rhyme various tortures while doing them: flay flay bo bey bannana nana fo flay...)
Munchkins: Russian Roulette, "hey with my Mutant powers of Luck and Invulnerability it dosent matter if I loose"

Favorite Subject in School:

Real Men: Phys Ed
Real Role-players: Literature
Loonies: Plumbing (Anything that involves toilet paper)
Psychopaths: The Holocaust
Munchkins: Protogenetic Engineering

Dissections in Biology Class:

Real Men: Whatever they happen to capture
Real Role-players: Bio-technologically developed drones
Loonies: The Frog Prince
Psychopaths: Their classmates
Munchkins: The Old Ones

 

When introduced to a Glitter Boy:

Real Men: Proves that he can beat one of these things even WITH a laser weapon
Real Role-players: Try to form an alliance
Loonies: Tries to broil his green eggs and ham on the Chrome plating
Psychopaths: Asks to view the quality of the Boom Gun, then uses it against him
Munchkins: Uses the Ultimate Rune Axe of Even More Ultimater Devastation

When confronted with a scene from Star Wars:

Real Men: Prove that Vibro-Blades are superior to Light Sabers
Real Role-players: Comment to the GM about the quality of ORIGINAL work
Loonies: Try to get his hair done like princess Leia
Psychopaths: Use Telemechanics to gain an entire army of Battle Droids
Munchkins: Doesn't see a point since the Death Star doesn't do jack compared to HIS arsenal and armor of Ultra Mega Damage equipment (1UMD point equals 100 MD).

What do you do while playing Rifts?

Real Men: Lift weights
Real Role-players: Ponder: "If I were a GM what would I do differently?"
Loonies: Hold my breath till I turn blue
Psychopaths: Try to hack the Pentagon
Munchkins: Wish this game had more real life applications (as in guns)

When accidently running across a young showering female:

Real Men: Apologize, then come back later and flirt with her
Real Role-players: Run for their life!!
Loonies: Make amusing comments about 'Natural Weapons'
Psychopaths: Gets "playing in character" points for things we cannot list here
Munchkins: Go home and ask their mothers about the Loonie's comments

Pet?

Real Men: A dog; man's best friend!
Real Role-players: Creatures™ Virtual Pet
Loonies: A rock
Psychopaths: Yes I do!
Munchkins: Splurgothian War Beasts from assorted dimensions

When given the option to virtually eliminate the CS:

Real Men: Go for it!
Real Role-players: Meditate the pros and cons for a few months
Loonies: Change the Dead Boy armor styles to pink with purple poka dots
Psychopaths: Usurp Prosek and become the ruler of the most powerful empire in North America!
Munchkins: Doesn't stop there and eliminates Triax and the Vampire Kingdoms too.

When hired to perform a task they don't have the skills to perform:

Real Men: Hire someone else to do it for less
Real Role-players: Ask for another job
Loonies: Cage dance and hope he gets the money anyway
Psychopaths: Pull a Kittani hand weapon and say, "Listen, you're going to give me the money anyway. Right?"
Munchkins: "I can't use my Alien Vaporizer Ray to fix the Hydroponics system?"

When introduced to a card-flopper:

Real Men: "I never understood those games."
Real Role-players: Make a speech on the superiority of RPGs to CCGs
Loonies: Ask to view Serra Angel
Psychopaths: Look around for loose cards
Munchkins: "Yeah but is there anything in that game that can do 5 Trillion Damage per blast, like my Simultaneously Firing All Weapons In Existence Mounted On One Easy To Carry Turret Techno-Wizard Device Of Heat-Seeking Mutilation.?" (GM sighing in the background)

If I wasn't a Real Man, Real Roleplayer, Loonie, Psychopath or Munchkin what would I be:

Real Men: "Hmm, I've always wanted an Instant Death Spell! (Munchkin)"
Real Role-players: "I'll be a Real Man, then change my OCC to a scholar/adventurer at level 2."
Loonies: "A Roleplayer so I could use my advanced scientific equipment to discover a new species: The Butt Weasel "
Psychopaths: "I Yam what I Yam and that‚s all that I Yam (Loonie)"
Munchkins: "The GM. That way I can eliminate as many people as I want without rolling a to strike dice."

Favorite Book?

Real Men: Steven King's work, for the thrills
Real Role-players: Frank Herbert's Dune books (for the political intrigue)
Loonies: likes to eat notepads (preferably the 70 sheet variety)
Psychopaths: The Anarchist Cookbook
Munchkins: Writes his own source book entitled Devices of Harbringing Chaos That Only I Can Use

 

Favorite Planet of Origin in a Phase World campaign...

Real Men: Phase World
Real Role-players: Phase World
Loonies: Noro-Gor, because they all have funny hair...
Psychopaths: Any of the TGE Prison Planets, where they grew up working as torturers...
Munchkins: Sigma 957, though they have a summer home on Z'ha'dum, and later moved to the Cosmic Forge.

Favorite Phase World OCC/RCC?

Real Men: Godlings
Real Role-players: Phase Mystics or CCW Scientists, though they can be convinced to play Godlings in a high-powered campaign
Loonies: Phantoms, for the obvious fun they can have
Psychopaths: Kreeghor Witch
Munchkins: A Cosmo-Knight, who fell, but later received training as a Sith Lord. After that, became a Mecha-Knight...

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